the Goliard
Volume 1 Issue 1

February 2002

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Original Writings 

[What's This All About?]


The Night Guy Series

Part 1 - A Janitor Stops By 

"Jerry! Jesus aitch it's you. Dammit you scared me. Don't pop up in front of me like that!"

"Yeah it's just me. Little jumpy today are we Nate? The graveyard shift getting to ya already? Startin' to see shadows that ain't your own?"

"Yeah... shadows ...whew. Well now that you woke me up, give me a good word or something this mornin'?"

"Got no good word really. Eat, sleep, you know. Your countertop is lookin' mighty fine here though. Shiny. You usin' my citrus scrub on her or is it just the lighting or sumthin? Well now it don't look all that great when you stand over ta this side. Eyes must be goin' south on me?"

"Well yeah looks same as usual to me. I mean I didn't scrub anything myself but someone else could of I guess."

"Well I just hope that someone knew what the dots on the bottle meant and wore them green gloves special made for usin the citrus. You see Nate, a  man's got a right to know what chemicals he's usin'. It's something I started 'round here called 'Right to Know' and it means if I ask someone to, say, go in and clean off a mark on yonder floor and I hand 'em a spray bottle to do it with, then they got the right to ask 'what's in this stuff I'm usin'?' and we can go straight off to that book I showed you the other mornin' and its right in front of us what that person's gettin' his hands into. 'Right to Know' it's called as I said."

"Sounds fair enough."

"It's fair alright but ain't nobody listen to it. I make a practice of tellin every one of my workers about 'right to know' at least once and no sooner is it out my mouth when I'll find em scrubbin away with a three dot chemical with no goggles, no gloves, no nothin and they say 'You never told me nothin like that' and I'm thinkin 'Bullshit I didn't' but some people, they don't know no better I guess. This gal from affirmative action said I'd be smart to have a witness with me at all times nowadays when I'm training people or even when I'm just talking to em at all if I wanna protect myself."

 "I saw that guy with you yesterday, looked like a lawyer or..."


"There you go, there you go, that's what it's come to and the gal that brought all that shit down on me sure wouldn'ta had no gloves on that's one thing sure and probly would of whined later when she burned her hands with chemicals that I was the one that done it by taking a torch to her or something. That man was here yesterday cuz of her problems and accusations and I ain't supposed to say nothin to nobody yet but its what she ain't wearin that got me in this shit I'm into now."

"Wearing? Really, what shit is that?

"First day this gal comes to work she shows up with all this makeup on and these tight, ripped jeans, and a big ass out to here and right away I say 'wheres the pants we issued you? and she says 'they don't fit me right Jerry Honey' and I say 'well you had four or five styles to choose from, you can get the cotton or the polyester stretch like I've got but you gotta look professional' and she says 'I don't like none of those, why can't I wear my own pants, they're the same color ain't they?' Course, what she really means is she can't get them work pants to hug her ass quite tight enough so as she can swing it around for everybody. Be a thing I could understand if she was skinny and fine or somethin but with that big kitchen of hers ain't nobody lookin at her 'cept maybe out of wonderment. All I did was stand by each day repeatin myself that she's got to wear the required uniform but she won't never do it so I finally have to talk to my boss and he says he'll handle it."

"It's done then. Up to him. Or at least outta your hands."

"No it ain't done and he don't handle it cuz he's got a big hard on for her probly and all of a sudden this other supervisor, Manny strolls by and sees her wringin out a mop in the same damn jeans with the makeup gobbed on her and he calls me into some back office over at the main shop and says, 'what the hell you running over at the gym Jerry some kind a whorehouse?' and I say 'Hell no I ain't' but he's right, that's what it looks like sure enough with a street walkin hussy on display out front."


"Must be some disciplinary measures or..."

"That's exactly what I tried Nate! See you listening to me, that's exactly what I tried, some disciplinary measures, simple as that. I wrote her up and give the paper to her to sign but she takes it, stuffs it down her shirt and won't say nothin, just glares at me but the next day she's gone. Moved over to the other building and replaced by this guy Eddie so I just go to training Eddie and think I'm done with her but I should have known better because they can't just move people around like that without tellin you, it just ain't never done. Then all of a sudden my supervisors are acting kinda cool towards me and next thing I hear is I'm bein called to see that ol' gal again at affirmative action and she says, 'We got a problem here Jerry' and after a bunch a bullshitting goes on finally I figure out that somebody's filing sexual harassment charges against me."

"Sexual harrass.."

"Yeah, and they won't tell me who but I know who it is and I say to their faces 'I know who it is, I ain't stupid and they say 'It's more than one person Jerry' and I still know who it is cuz this gal's sister used to work for me when I was supervising over at the Union and wasn't no better than she is and it's plain as the nose on your face what's going on. So, finally I stand up and I say 'How can you bring me in here and accuse me of this when you don't have no idea what's goin on. See you ain't done your homework. This other gal who's chargin me must be her sister and you should know she been caught with some guy balling. Caught balling on a man's office floor by this professor. A report got filed on that and this first gal is also seein a guy, Pedro Cruz over at Physical Resources, always sneakin off with him on break and the both of them are married, the both of them, but she got him to buy her all these gold bracelets and his wife ended up leavin him is what I hear."

"She's just plain trouble then."

"You're goddamn right she's trouble and they're calling me in under this charge? Me! I said 'I got a right to face my accuser, a right to stare her in her lying face. This ain't England or someplace this here is America and I demand to be innocent until somebody proves me guilty. I says 'I was warned about her a long time ago, people know what she's about and been talkin but you never bothered to ask nobody before up and draggin me in here.'"So then this Miss what's her name stands up and puts her hand on my shoulder and says 'Calm down Jerry' and I say 'Don't you touch me goddamnit. I'll go right next door and file charges against this office cuz what your touchin is harrassment to me. This is slander just having me in here and if you're not careful I'll get a lawyer and sue the panties right off both of you. You see Nate I think I told you before that I'm a recovered Alcoholic, been in AA for seven years now and I know what they're talkin about. My sponsor from AA told me that all women are to be respected and treated just like a man's mother or wife. See I'll never forget what he said and I know it through to my soul now. Didn't always know it maybe but I know it now."

' "Well.. I guess that's something then I...."

"You see Nate when I was drinking it was different. If I would have come to work drunk sometime I can actually see myself ordering a gal to the upstairs washroom and saying 'Show me your titties or we'll just see if you don't end up fired.' I can see myself doing it that's the sad thing. When I was drinking things was screwed up but I'm cleaned up now and I know where I'm at. I come to work and I go right home to my wife and I do my work and don't mess around cuz I know how it can be and how it should be and I need this job but now they're treating me like I fondled or insulted this woman. Not that it couldn't of happened back when I was an addict. There was this one time on my birthday, and I don't like to tell this to nobody but I was seeing this lil' gal who worked at Circle K, seeing her along with my wife you know and I used to get drunk down the south side and go see her in the afternoons. Well she had this roommate who was about as chunky as the gal here and I hadn't eaten nothin and been drinking all day, these bastards down the bar had been buying me tequila shooters which always used to screw me up good so anyway I come crashing through her apartment door half belligerent and said 'where you at I'm gonna get laid for my birthday.' Well my gal wasn't there but this other gal was and I can't believe it to this day but I unzipped my pants and she started crying and saying 'No Jerry please no' but I grabbed her hair and pulled her in my crotch and made her take me on until I was done."
"I don't even know how I got back to the bar let alone home but the next day I woke up and went to the Circle K to get my coffee like I always used to do and I saw my girl and right away I know something is terrible wrong. She says 'Do you remember what you did you son of a bitch?' and it came rushing back to me sudden like and I started trembling and I said, 'Yes I do. Yes I do.' And that's the worst part about it Nate, I did, I sure as Hell did."

"Geez  I.. .well this isn't a good story to hear Jerry. Sounds to me like you coulda.. you mighta.."

"Well she told me to get out of there and believe me my ass was already moving for the door and I went on to work and was shaking and cringing every time I heard a siren round town but no cops ever came. I thought they were gonna take me away to jail and they had every right to and I wouldn'ta blamed nobody but myself if they had. I think both them gals were wanted or married or something and must notta wanted the whole thing to come down but these years since have taught me what sexual harassment is so I know and I told this lady at affirmative action that I ain't even looked wrong at this gal. I got pride and I know sex has to be consensual between a man and a woman otherwise you are violatin her and that's the worst thing you can do to somebody and that's what I did back then to that poor gal. But I've been clean for seven years now, haven't had one drink, not one goddamn drop. "Hell, look at the time. I gotta get back to work, get right back to it you know, check on the boys doin the showers. You got everything you need? How you doin on my citrus scrub, need any? Looks like this counter could use a coat."

"No I think we're doing O.K."

"Alright, you take her easy then Nate. I'll see you tomorrow morning more en likely."

"Yeah Jerry hey I... nice talkin to you."


Copyright 2002. All Rights Reserved.