The Terridactyl on Travel
Installment 3 -
I promised you I would in my previous post, I headed out recently to Yosemite National
Park. I was hoping for a "back to nature" experience that would
cleanse my mind and purify my soul but unfortunately, there were a pack
of kids along so I knew this was right out the window before we even
left town. I did enjoy
myself quite a bit once we got there though and it was nice to breathe
a crisp air replete with pine
needles and do some really tremendous climbs. Not as tremendous as
the guys climbing up the face of El Capitan (right) though mind you! We had a
picnic beneath them right
after we got to the park and got to lie on our backs afterwards watching as
different groups of them moved up the rock face like little ants. I really can't fathom what it must be
like to dangle on a string like that for three days clutching to a megalith
by my fingertips and sleeping in a bag swinging in
the air. What do they do if they have to pee? I didn't think of this
as I was lying there beneath them! The whole thing got me thinking that it seems like every time I go and do something that I find exhilarating,
(like hiking Yosemite) somebody else is nearby doing something
ridiculous that I'm sure is
exhilarating for them but would be totally out of the question for
me. Cliff divers, naked
runners, extreme rock climbers. It definitely makes
me wonder why anyone would want to read about my exploits when they
seem so pedestrian compared to the absolute lunatics out there. I
wonder if any of them are writing about their adventures on a silly
Anyways they can all "toss off."
I say toss off because
I listened to a book on tape during the drive over on my IPOD called
"A Long Way Down," and one of the characters kept saying
things like "He's a bit of a tosser, isn't he." It's a good book by
Nick Hornby and you should read it if you can, or better yet, listen
to it since it's told from four points of view and read by four
different English actors that really add a bunch to the story with
their "tosser" this and "slapper" that. I was
calling some of the kids on the trip "tossers" and "slappers"
until one of the other chaperones informed me that he was pretty sure the first meant
chronic masturbator and the second promiscuous slut. That put an end to that
practice right quick
didn't it? It wouldn't surprise me if some parent or other was giving me a
call about it soon. Anyway, on to Yosemite National Park!
Yosemite before like I got the chance to on this field trip. I'd been
there a couple times with Mom but we basically did some little side
hikes and stayed in the car a lot for the most part. There were 20
students and 8 adults that headed over this time and we
all took off in little groups and some of us ended up doing some pretty tough climbs.
My legs were shot after the first day. Totally Jello.
Knees felt 80 and arthritic. I know I'm getting older
but come on! I didn't notice the kids complaining too much.
little jaunt was hiking up to Sentinel Point and playing in the snow. The view from up there was awesome and
the kids had fun firing little hand packed ice missiles at each other.
One of the other guides took a ice ball to the side of the head and then a
plunge backwards and slid down over the side which was pretty
funny until it looked like he might actually keep going right out of
sight! It would have been alright with me in a way since he
was a bit of a tosser. It really is going to be hard to stop
saying that. Although maybe I don't have to just yet since I think it might
be an accurate description in
|On the second
day we made it up to a place called Upper Yosemite Falls, and this is
the view from the top.
YOU HAVE NOT LIVED until you've hiked to the top of a set of
I don't know how high up we were, but it felt like the top
of the world. I thought my legs were feeling better until I
had to use a whole new set of muscles on the way down. By
that night, I could barely squat over one of those splintery
outhouse toilets or kneel by the campfire to stir the stew.
Here are a couple of my hiking buddies.
Both Judy's big toenails turned green and her toes swelled to
twice their normal size.
The trails were some of the hardest I've done to date, but
on the blister front I
didn't get a single one. Strange considering I didn't even
go out and spend a bunch of cash on new hiking boots like
most of the others. I just wore my old basketball shoes.
|Each adult was in a tent with three or four
kids. I got the yappy 8th grade girls who of course wanted to
gossip until after midnight about all the shagging they
would eventually be doing and what it would
be like to pull down the trousers of this boy and that. I
just listened and didn't tell them anything about how lame the boys were
probably going to end up being when they became men figuring
they'd realize it on their own soon enough. In any case, the tents in the background were our frigid accommodations,
and the bear lockers were our breakfast hangout.
One night after
the girls fell asleep I crept out to get some quiet and
alone time and
made my way over to the Yosemite
lodge bar which I had seen during the day and wanted to
check out. My time there didn't end up being all that quiet
or alone though since I
soon found myself throwing back some beers and shots of
whiskey with this
lesbian biker group that had rolled into town from Reno. One of them
tied her neck kerchief on me and we went horsing around on the rocks
outside after the bar closed. A good time was had by all
until a couple of them got a little too friendly and grabby.
I'm not a prude or anything but I can't really see myself
going off into the woods with some female slappers at this
stage in the game. No matter how much JD I've had.
|This is what the
lodge looks like during the day. It's a beautiful spot and
pretty pricey from what I understand. A friend of mine is
renting it out to get married in the fall and I might go
check that out although we're supposed to book our own rooms
and all so I might sing a different tune when it comes to
slapping down the price of basically a whole vacation
somewhere else just to see someone tie the knot. That's if
she even goes through with the wedding. She's a bit of a
slapper if you want to know the truth and her ways may catch
up with her long before October.
highlight of my trip was something called
the "Mist Trail" It sounds pleasant I know but is
actually a total misnomer since it
should be called
the Torrent Trail, or the Few Get Out Alive Trail, or the
Icy Downpour, or the Fire Hose.
You can't tell in these pictures how soaked or how close I
really am to this powerful waterfall.
|On one of the
side hikes we came across a family of the famous Yosemite bears.
A mother and two cubs. I didn't see papa around which would
be typical wouldn't it? Smokey the wanker. Anyway we were quite a ways away across this
meadow and were enjoying watching the cubs frolic and roll
around in the grass. We'd been told by the rangers to steer clear of
any bears we encountered of course
especially any cubs but we seemed at a safe distance.
Suddenly however the momma must have heard one of the little
tossers carrying on or something and swung her huge head our way. I
snapped one last picture and herded up the girls and high-tailed it back
down the trail towards the
van. When I looked back Ma Bear was sort of loping in our
direction but I don't think we lost anyone.
DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE OLD AND DECREPIT
before you try doing some hiking in this magnificent national park.
It's been especially impressive lately due to a record amount
of rain and snow this season.
I'd subject myself to this form of torture again in a
heartbeat!! Again, I can't tell you how close this waterfall
actually was. Anyways, that's about it from Yo So Mite. I'll
get back at you in a couple of weeks with another so called
adventure. In the mean time I think I'm going to read about
some of these rock climbers and see if I can figure out what
possesses them. I have my suspicions that they are all in
the business of compensating for some other short coming in
their lives although I won't expect them to admit it. I'll
have to read between the lines. Until next time then you
tossers. See Ya!
TD 1 - Mexico
TD 2 - Bay to Breakers
4 - Nashville