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The Terridactyl on Travel

Installment 2 - Bay to Breakers

As I promised you all last time, I headed out recently to the annual race slash walk slash partial Bacchanalia festival known as the Bay to Breakers held in San Francisco every May. I think it started as a regular running event back in the day but, because it takes place in the bay area, it evolved almost immediately into something of a carnival parade and celebration of how liberal and naked and drunk you get to be in public if you live out here on the left coast and specifically in San Fran. That's all fine with me I guess and, although I haven't yet had the urge to shed all my own clothing and go chafing and slapping along with the hordes, I certainly enjoy the spectacle and plan to attend each year if I can. A bunch of friends from work went this time and we walked and talked and took some pictures of the various characters that passed by. One thing I've come to notice about nudity in public places though is that it definitely seems like the people you would like to see naked never are and the people that you could have quite contentedly gone your whole life without seeing are the ones who take advantage of the situation and let it all hang out. Oh well, a penis seen is a penis seen I guess and at this point in my life I'm not about to get to picky or prudish about it. Anyway, there will be more pictures than commentary this time around since this is the sort of event where pictures pretty much say it all. I'm heading to Yosemite National Park next so hopefully the "back to nature" theme will continue with more greenery and less flesh. By the way, if you're offended by nudeness you probably don't want to scroll down any further.


Right off the bat we found ourselves walking with this naked guy who called himself Alfie Slade. He said he was a accountant down in the Simi Valley by trade who came up to the race for the chance to get away from his wife and kids and just let it be for a weekend. He was sort of sweaty and furry and already showed signs of chafing and rash when we were barely getting started. He put his arms around us and posed for a picture telling us to give him a call around tax time next year if we had any questions about that sort of stuff. He didn't have a card to give us (probably because he didn't have a pocket) and we soon lost him in the crowd.
A few blocks later another nudist appeared next to us and we thought he might be an accountant as well since he was wearing the same hat as the first guy but he informed us that he was a dental hygienist from Boise, Idaho named Bill Shultz who snuck down to Frisco every year around this time. He said he mainly came to visit his daughter Quinn who was a lesbian and wasn't welcome at family functions anymore so he never got to see her. He would tell his wife he was heading to the big annual hygienists meeting and come down for a week, although something apparently possessed him on this particular visit to shed his clothes and wear Mardi Gras beads and nothing else. His daughter wasn't walking he said because she recoiled and became physically ill at the sight of men's genitalia. I didn't have time to delve further into the issues that seemed to be pervading this family before the guy saw someone he knew from years past and went jogging off.
About then some guys with a keg came by and we did our first cannonballers of the day. That's where they stick the tap right in your mouth and you drink until you either can't breath or have to throw up or both. Everybody gets around and chants "chug chug chug" like some sort of fraternity party and it's sort of hard to do while you're walking but we were thirsty so we gave it a try. Of course we were even thirstier after a few minutes of slogging along with all that beer in our stomachs and ended up having to stop for more water and to go to the bathroom a bunch of times. Normally, San Francisco is one of the worst places to be if you have to pee in public but on this day they had the porta potties out in full force.
We walked along with a couple other yellow hatters for awhile and one of them gave me the grass skirt he had been planning on wearing before he decided to go completely au natural. I started wondering if the greenish hats stood for something lacking in the endowment realm since everyone wearing them seemed to have very small penises. I realized however that maybe I don't have enough experience with how penises are supposed to look when they are exercising to know if they would be regular sized in another setting and if all the flapping in the breeze has some sort of shriveling effect. Other penises I've seen have usually been in more intimate situations and while not all erect (as we know from our recent reading) they were at least somewhat tumescent and not all weather beaten, slapped around, and shy like the ones in this group.
Next we saw an ass go by with a big smack of lipstick on it and speculated that this had happened either because of some over made up sycophant or a creative artist not afraid to get up close and personal.
A man and his son passed by next and I didn't get a chance to ask the boy whether he minded his father's pecker dangling along beside him right at eye level. They had handed balloons out to designate one as a nudist apparently and the boy said he was worried that they would take his balloon or make him take off all his clothes. I reassured him that he was probably ok since his father was naked enough for the both of them. By the way, either this guy had a member on him that didn't seem to be suffering from the same phenomena as the others under the green hats or my beer goggles had gone into full effect and become magnifying glasses by that point.
Another keg came by shortly thereafter and we stopped to do some more chug-a-lugging. I was starting to get a little loopy with all this beer swilling, not to mention the exercise and the plethora of peni I kept having to deal with. I managed to keep from keeling over or grabbing anybody's package or skipping off into the Tenderloin district however.
A naked woman swung around in front of us and took our picture for some reason even though we were probably the least interesting group in the race. Her breasts bounced around like pendulous melons which appeared very uncomfortable but she seemed to be having a good time.
Another woman scraped up against me from the right all of a sudden and reminded me immediately why it is that I try to eat right and exercise a little bit.
A codger came striding up and startled us by announcing that it was all the young girls like us at the race that were getting him worked up and making it so he almost couldn't wait to get home and give the wife a sound rogering. He didn't look "worked up" in the least but I guess it's all relative.
The police stood by chuckling and drinking coffee not seeming overly concerned about all the nudity, public intoxication, and general tomfoolery they were witnessing. San Francisco is fairly tolerant of victimless crimes in general and especially so on this day.
A bumper sticker pasted right over a woman's ass crack went by. "Keep you laws off my body" is what it says in case you can't read it or don't feel like squinting closer at that particular part of this large and in charge creature. I don't disagree with the sentiment necessarily but the presentation seemed like it might be painful or cause a problem at some point.
Right at the end we saw some particularly furry Hooters girls that seemed to be enjoying themselves. We stopped to chat with them and suddenly the race had ended. We were dog tired and fairly drunk at this point and had plans to head back to the place we were staying and crash for awhile but instead got side tracked and ended up over in North Beach at the Rogue tasting room.
I don't really remember much after that except for stumbling into a place with garlic hanging everywhere and demanding to be seated. The picture at left is the last one I found in my camera so it must have been taken near the end of the road. They tell me my beer was the one on the right and was something called an Old Crustacean that was strong as and ox and left me just about as smart. We got home ok and all in all it was a fun time even if I didn't feel so swell the next day since I was about three different kinds of sore. Maybe I'll train and run the whole thing next year. Not naked though! No thank you.

See ya,  The TD

TD 1 - Mexico
TD 3 - Yosemite

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