to President Bush
Dear President Bush:
I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended
family and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to
walk across the USA border into Mexico, and I need to make some
arrangements. I know you can help with this so please accomplish the
following, all on my behalf:
I plan to skip all the legal paperwork like visas, passports,
immigration quotas and laws. I'm hoping they handle those
things the same way you do over here. So would you mind
telling your buddy El President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way
over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might
need, whether I use them or not.
3. Government forms printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and
history, and the school children need to be made aware
of racial/ethnic sensitivity.
6. I want my
kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the
flag pole at their school, with the Mexican flag flying
7. Feed my kids at school for breakfast and
8. A Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to
9. I do not plan on getting car insurance, and don't care to
learn the traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get
the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be
sure that all police officers speak
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag
decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July
4th. I do not want complaints or negative comments from
12. A nice job without paying any taxes, and slack up on the
labor laws and tax laws while you're at
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely
nice and never say a critical word about me, or about
the strain I might place on their at-risk
I know this will be an easy task because you already allow all these
things for the people who are routinely smuggled into the U.S.
from Mexico. I am sure Pres. Fox would 'return the favor' (if
you ask him nicely). However, if he gives you any
trouble just have him go quail hunting with Dick
Thank you so much for your assistance and God be with you!