The Goliard Online - Reviews, opinion, original writing, analysis and pith

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Volume 2 Issue 10

October 2003

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Original Writings

Finnegan Begin Again - Goliardic observations on the first eight pages of Finnegan's Wake 

And the so-called "Peninsular War" in which Napoleon (who figures prominently in the museum below) tried to gain control of British-controlled Portugal by disrupting Spain, ridiculously referred to as a "peninsula," no doubt has some relevance as well. One of Napoleon's schemes was to pit Charles IV of Spain against his son Ferdinand, so perhaps that reminded Joyce of the conflict between Tristram and his reputedly cowardly uncle Mark, the King of Cornwall. Charles IV was said, like Mark, to be more befuddled than competent. Why isn't Italy the peninsula? Too obvious? Penisolate also in the sense that all wars are fought with variations on the penis (take note, Mr. Bush) and this was especially evident when they were fought with the penile utensils of the spear and sword. This is the secret reason why women should be denied access to the military. They just don't get it.

  The rest of this story 


As the candles of creativity burned late in the Goliard offices on a recent evening, there suddenly came a scratching at the door which, when it was thrown open, revealed a highly suspicious group of trick or treaters. Given that it was a few days shy of the appropriate night for such a visit, the group was asked to state their business and after fidgeting about on the front walkway bobbing their pumpkins for several minutes to no effect the creature positioned in front finally, (and somewhat cryptically we must say) laid his Jack-O-Lantern aside and intimated in a croaking voice that "due to some rule changes that everyone would soon be made aware of" the group had "been sent" a few days early to collect their "deserved hallowed spoils". After surprised staffers confessed that they hadn't stocked up on anything that would be considered treat worthy, the white muzzled spokesman (in what seemed a rehearsed voice and accompanied by much shimmering and shuffling of bottom among the back group) said that they would gladly accept any old shoes, soiled panties, toilet paper rolls, clumps of horse manure, baseball gloves, diapers, or indeed, anything smelly that might be easily shredded into little bits or make for a good couple hours chewing. After a quick meeting the staff decided not to delve to deeply into the matter and instead take advantage of the fortuitous opportunity as excuse to cull out detritus from a couple of closets and hampers that had been brimming over since the last staff party with just the types of items listed. The curious band of nocturnal callers then went happily on their way, wagging their costume tails and even stopped briefly near the front hedge to perform some sort of curious can-can routine, presumably as a show of thanks.

Young Ghostlette in Training


Staff News

New staffer brought in for special holiday issue gets sick on first day

Coming in November - Undercover 
On the Move

 Trick or Treaters we've known

The Flash in the Pan Hollow Man of a Movie Man

Lost in Translation

Other Hollow Man Reviews

Old Movieman Archives

Koi or Cat?

Look Closely!


Bookwoman's Diary

Who is the Bookwoman?

October's Featured Books
* Black River 
*The Making of Toro

Go to the Diary

Millennial Snippets

* The Taint of Original Sincerity * A Lily Gilded in Silver 
* The Directions 
* Buchanan Elected 
* A Maelstrom Becalmed 
* The Expectorants 
* The Lactations 
* The Perorations 
* Mewling at the Molehill 
* Mooing at the Mountain 
* A Hillock Razed 
* Extenuating Circumcisions

Take me in Boys! I think I might just be ready for the whole

Future Features

Geraldo -  Far from fair, hardly balanced 
Dog chews up ornamental bulb, craps out shards
Florida deemed North America's dangling manhood
Halloween seen as license to act like complete ass  
Onion with one layer found
Ready tongue renders ready hand limp
Lady in the Lake emerges none the worse for wear
Modern day Thoreau agonizes over decision to shave goatee
Tourniquet a bit too tight 
Marmite boilt down to low gravy


Last Update: 05/23/2007
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