The Goliard Online - Reviews, opinion, original writing, analysis and pith

the Goliard     a repository
Volume 1 Issue 9

October 2002

Site Search

Advanced Search
the Goliard
Current Issue
- Prior Issues
      September 2002
August 2002
     July 2002
     June 2002
Editorial Policy
- Rating System
- Contact Us
- Feedback
I'm Writing a %#$@#*! Letter
Letters Archive
The Links at Continental Ranch
Artless Comix: Overblown Prose Unmitigated by Steroid-O-Gothic Illustration
Adventures of Tar-man
Episode 3/4 
Food and Drink
Culinary Reviews

The Nugget Diner - Reno Nev. 
Millennial Subversions
Millennium Melange
- 3rd Millennium Manifesto
- Shelving the Millennium 
- 101 Uses for an Expired Millennium
Books & Book Lists
- Bookwoman
- Book Diary
- Tom from NY
Modern Day Goliards worth Investigating
Mark Sundeen
Todd Snider
Richard Linklater
A Correspondence
A Correspondence
the Goliard Recommends:
Web Links
- Stone Ruination IPA 
- Chazire Blog

- A Word a Day

- Goliard Scholarship
The Goliard Blog (An unaffiliated dopplegangish site and uncanny example of alike minds thinking great)
Words you should know
Goliardic Dictionary
Scholarly Goliard
For Youngsters Young and Old
What Peckinpah Saw

Original Writings

the california series

part 1 - the bus

The Fated BusIt had been going on for days. He'd sit on the bus a few seats in front of me, thinking he was being inconspicuous I guess. But I could see his backward looks out of the corner of my eye. It was driving me crazy, like puppy love does when you're not the puppy. I finally found my opportunity at a Sbarro in the middle of Indiana. I sat down before he could notice behind a plastic plant at the end of the pasta bar. Through the plant I could see him at the marinara sauce, looking quickly around the seats to see where I might have gone. I had the element of surprise. 
"Why you followin' me?" I said loudly, popping a teeny garlic toast into my mouth. 
"What!?" His look of panic gave way to a crafty insolence. He'd obviously seen Peter Lorre in The Maltese Falcon. 
"Because you're writing about me, that's why." 
"Says who?" said I, unable to conceal my immigrant heritage. 
"Do you deny it?" 
"Deny this," I said, still in character. "If I catch you paying attention to my business again you'll wish writing was my only talent. Now beat it, and sit somewhere else from now on."

What the Hey, maybe I'll take a gander at the
the rest of this story I've got nothing better to do


Mick O'Connell's T-Boner Aloner

More info Mick O'Connell


24-oz T-bone steaks from Dreher's butcher shop 
1 small Weber® hibachi with charcoal and copious amounts of lighter fluid 
2 chilled cases of micro-brew beer from the Northwest Region 
1 Buck knife 
1 Bottle opener


1) Use bottle opener to get access to beer. Drink six or seven bottles before worrying about the grill. 2) Douse coals with the lighter fluid and "let her rip!" Repeat until coals stay lit. 3) Consume six more beers. Beat guests soundly at a few games of Cricket (darts, not the game that gapers like Hugh Grant and Prince William are now popularizing in Jolly old England). Take relief somewhere in the backyard, just not too close to the fire. 4) Grill may be dirty from prior use. Slap it against a cooler or the side of the house in order to shake off unwanted debris. 5) Salt, pepper and throw the slabs of beef onto the grill. Leave it sit for a few beers. Flip and leave it sit for a few more. Serve with beers. Give leftovers to Newfoundlands.


La Ella Caliente!

"Poco después de que me mudé a Tucson en el verano de 1995, yo fui a "Marana Skydiving Center" con dos amigos. Mi amigo Chris sugirió la aventura porque él era un paracaidista. Para mi amiga Rebecca y yo, fue la primera vez. Nosotros escogimos intentar un "static line jump." Con un "static line jump," el paracaidas se abre automaticamente porque una cuerda sujeta el avión y el paracaidas. Para intentar un "static line jump," tuvimos que participar en una clase por cuatro horas en la mañana. En la clase, aprendimos a lanzarnos del avión con nuestros brazos y piernas extendidas y nuestras espaldas arqueadas. Aprendimos a contar hasta siete y a desenganchar el primer paracaidas si no funcionaba, entonces a abrir el segundo. En la tarde, después de la clase, Rebecca y yo nos pusimos los paracaidas y entramos en un avión pequeño con otro estudiante, el "jumpmaster," y el piloto. Cuando mi turno llegó, yo no pensé, solamente me lancé. Mi paracaidas se abrió sin problemas y yo empecé a flotar a la tierra. Yo tenía una radio debajo de mi mentón para que los instructores me dijeran cómo aterrizar. Para girar a la izquierda, yo daba un tirón a la cuerda con mi mano derecho. Para girar a la derecha, yo daba un tirón a la cuerda con mi mano izquierdo. ¡Era muy emocionante! Desafortunadamente, después de una cita desagradable con el "jumpmaster," yo me sentí azorada y yo no pude volver. ¡Yo era una chica muy tonta!"

                                 Who is La Ella Caliente


Wood Dogs We've Known

Ed "Growlin" Poe

The Movie Man's
Movie  Reviews

The Movie ManWho is...
the Movie Man?


Red Dragon
One Hr Photo
The Tuxedo
The Transporter
Jonah- The Veggie Tale
Rules of Attraction
Brown Sugar
Ballistic Ecks VS Sever
White Oleander
The Banger Sisters
The Four Feathers
The Good Girl
Stealing Harvard
City by the Sea
Sweet Home Alabama

Guest Man in the Field

The Roving Snapper

Snapper's Guide to NYC

Bookwoman's Diary

Who is the Bookwoman?


Go to her Diary

Millennial Snippets

* A Mystic Ponders His Promotion
After Mystic, Whither? 
Big Ass Found on Man 
The Mysterious Stranger 
Mystic: Title or Tribulation? 
A China for the Asses 
A Warlord Forgotten 
Testimonies Refuted 
Merchandise Bought and Sold 
The Salutatorian Awakens 
Our Transcripts Revisited 
A New Valedictorian Named 
Ass Gives Speech 
The Void Upon the Dais

Take me in Boys! I think I might just be ready for the whole

Future Features

Geraldo sleeps with the fishes
Grab ass and pinch bottom played at the shop 
Sell not thy old clothes for they will be back in fashion shortly
First class of tattoo removal specialists begin semester at Med school
Girls on film - Two minutes later
Man mistakenly hands his underwear to towel clerk
Many who didn't venture outdoors before are now citing West Nile as the reason
Golf declared frustrating
Voice of reason returns from long sabbatical 
Marmite ice cream discontinued

Last Update: 05/23/2007

Copyright 2002. All Rights Reserved.