The Goliard Online - Reviews, opinion, original writing, analysis and pith

the Goliard     a repository
Volume 1 Issue 10

November 2002

Site Search

Advanced Search
the Goliard
Current Issue
- Prior Issues
      October 2002
      September 2002
August 2002
     July 2002
     June 2002
Editorial Policy
- Rating System
- Contact Us
- Feedback
I'm Writing a %#$@#*! Letter
Letters Archive
Letter to fire Jim Livengood

Letter about a Goliard Christmas

Arrtless Comix: Overblown Prose Unmitigated by Steroid-O-Gothic Illustration
Adventures of Tar-man
Episode 3/4 
Food and Drink
Culinary Reviews

The 17th Street Market 
Millennial Subversions
Millennium Melange
- 3rd Millennium Manifesto
- Shelving the Millennium 
- 101 Uses for an Expired Millennium
Books & Book Lists
- Bookwoman
- Book Diary
- Tom from NY
Modern Day Goliards worth Investigating
Mark Sundeen
Todd Snider
Richard Linklater
Works in Progress
The Night Guy

To No Avail Slaps the Tail -  A Jordan Dane Mystery

the Goliard Recommends:
Web Links
- Stone Ruination IPA 
- Chazire Blog

- A Word a Day

- Goliard Scholarship
The Goliard Blog (An unaffiliated dopplegangish site and uncanny example of alike minds thinking great)
Words you should know
Goliardic Dictionary
Scholarly Goliard
- The ArchPoet
- The Affair of the Red Headed Innkeeper
For Youngsters Young and Old
What Peckinpah Saw

Original Writings

the california series

part 2 - the reluctant dick

It's funny how life is sometimes. Your editor asks for a mystery and you set off figuring there's no way you'll ever come up with one, but then one finds you. I had been working on "The Mystery of What I Hope to Accomplish by Riding a Bus to California" but this seemed better. Everything was there; a bus full of weird characters, a dead guy, a long road ahead. Nobody had any reason to kill the little bastard, aside from the obvious one, but it did seem a little suspicious. Some kind of slow-acting poison in his lasagna back in Indiana, maybe. If it had been my fault I think he would have died a little faster. Brain hemorrhages don't exactly take their time, as far as I know. Plus I can't think why I'd be writing this if it were just to incriminate myself. I decided to talk to some more people. Maybe the ones sitting close by would have some info. Heidi was a washout, but you know how it is. The people closest to a problem usually have the least perspective on it.

What the Hey, maybe I'll take a gander at the
the rest of this story I've got nothing better to do

Sports Commentary

Evacuate La BM

First of all, lose the suit!

 Why is La BM (John Mackovic) a Wildcat? Who thought hiring him to coach UA football was a good idea? What were the stiff's credentials? Why does the University of Arizona, a laid back, semi-academically respectable, desert institution with a proud sports tradition, suddenly have a pedantic, befuddled, blowhard, throwback coach in a black business suit striding up and down the sidelines with the frightened look of an accountant who has been inexplicably dropped off without his briefcase in the heart of Kabul?


Ed's Note - Since the above story broke on the Goliard on November 1, 41 of John Mackovic's players have gone en masse to the office of the University president to discuss their disappointment with his coaching style and object to his unpleasant personality. La BM then called a press conference where he tearfully asked forgiveness and promised to change his ways. The situation garnered the lead story on the national sports news giving the UA football program more negative publicity and all but putting a lock down on future recruiting under the Mackovic regime. But instead of firing La BM and starting anew, athletic director Jim Livengood chose to stand by his coach despite the national embarrassment the situation is creating.

The Goliard disapproves of this move of course and would ask the UA to reconsider. The damage is done. La BM had two years to prove that the game hadn't passed him by and that he wasn't some sort of ridiculously hard nosed, throwback idiot with no idea how to communicate with today's athlete. He preached an outdated philosophy and alienated a team and community that were eager to see him succeed. Whether some of this is the fault of said athlete or community is irrelevant since those are the people you need to have believe in you and communicate with if you want to achieve anything. After watching "The Season" on ESPN, in which La BM allowed cameras to follow him and his team everywhere, we found ourselves saying "If I was a parent watching that with my son who was trying to decide where to attend college, I wouldn't let him go anywhere near Arizona. That guy is a Bobby Knight scale ass but without any upside to go with it." I guess we aren't the only ones who think so. Success in football, like all team sports, is based on members of the team having faith in the people around them. This starts with the players, coaches, and trainers but extends to the students, teachers, and everyone else on campus and in the community. By being an arrogant jerk, Mackovic has now lost the faith of all those groups. It's time for him to go.

Readers comments on the subject

La Ella Caliente!

"La noche del Viernes pasado, cuando yo estaba escribiendo mi articulo para el Goliardo, mi chico y toreador de amor "El Toro" empezó a estirarse. Cuando levantó sus brazos sobre de la cabeza, se cayó al suelo. El Toro se cayó porque se dislocó el hombro y él tenía mucho dolor. Por más de diez minutos, nosotros no podíamos devolver el brazo al zócalo del brazo. ¡Fue horrible!  Por fin, El Toro se acostó en la cama, puso sus brazos sobre de la cabeza y se dio una vuelta muchas veces. Yo no pude mirarlo pero él tuvo éxito. Para mí, fue la primera vez, pero El Toro había sufrido de esto muchas veces. Es porque, hace diez años, se hirió su hombro en un partido del "Bullfighting" y no tuvo la operación necesaria. ¡No esperé esta emoción cuando yo empecé mi articulo de El Goliardo!"

                                 Quien es La Ella Caliente


Young Goliard in Training

Good Boys We've Known

The Movie Man's
Movie  Reviews

The Movie ManWho is...
the Movie Man?

the ring
Just a Kiss
The Last Kiss
The Man from Elysian Fields
Ghost Ship
Punch Drunk Love
Sex and Lucia
Truth About Charlie
Me Without You
I Spy
The Santa Clause 2
Notorious C.H.O
Tuck Everlasting
Jackass the Movie
Igby Goes Down
Formula 51
Swept Away
Spirited Away

Guest Photo from the Field

PSU Ultimate - Battle Scars of Victory


Bookwoman's Diary

Who is the Bookwoman?


Go to her Diary

Millennial Snippets

* The Rogering of the Well-Endowed
* A Simpleton's Gripe Overdone
* A Call to Salt Away the Already Rotten
* A Trekker Cuckolded Enroute
* A Suicide Unnoticed
* The Lemmings Regroup or Peer Groups Unite
* The Well-Traveled Evicted
* A Summit Achieved and So-called a Trough, He Bespoke
* Too Tired the Grumpys

Take me in Boys! I think I might just be ready for the whole

Future Features

Geraldo; Bound to turn  up like a bad penny 
Far from smitten the fondled
Wash down the dregs with ale
Download this! Said the Jay
Washrooms sullied by unnatural congressmen
People up early putting things in piles
Curiosity gets cat promoted
Erection too close to call
Jackalope seen visiting San Diego Zoo
Marmite linked to impotency

Last Update: 05/23/2007

Copyright 2002. All Rights Reserved.