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Volume 2 Issue 3

March 2003

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Dateline - The Movie Man

The Movie Man runs off with Mrs. Atwater - Quits Goliard!

In a totally unexpected development that has the Goliard staff reeling, the Movie Man, shown at right becoming increasingly infatuated with the person who called herself Mrs. Atwater, abandoned his post this month and, as far as we can tell, eloped with the alleged wife of another staffer. As we scramble about the newsroom trying to recover, we include here for the reader a final account of the last days of a man who was easily the most recognizable figure at the Goliard and leaves a void that will not be easy to fill. We also include his top and bottom ten lists for the past year and an unfinished column he left on his desk about the Oscars. We will keep you posted on his whereabouts if and when they become known, along with the reactions of the staff as they deal with losing one of their mainstays.

Final Reviews - The Hours - Chicago   The Pianist


A Co-Worker’s Story 

The following is an interview we did with a young woman who once worked as an engineer at a mining company until the incident she will describe below occurred. She's now an expatriate living on an undisclosed island in the Caribbean. She agreed to talk to the Goliard in hopes that someone might read of her experience and take their own precautions. 

CW - One winter’s night in the early 90’s I came home from a party, did my tooth brushing and went to bed. Just as I was beginning to nod off I saw a man creep up out of the basement towards my bedroom. I recognized him immediately, he had been a coworker before my promotion to another section of the mine. He came at me with a cattle prod and handcuffs, while I started screaming (most appropriately I thought) bloody murder. After a brief struggle and inflicting as much damage as I could on someone 100 pounds bigger than me, I broke free and ran out of the house into the street. (It is very cold in Montana, in February when only wearing a satin nightgown). As I was running out the door I looked back as he fired a gun directly at me. Later inspection found the bullet hit the wall about 6 inches from where my head was.

Read the rest of the Interview


Young Goliard minstrels in training 

Golf Outing

El otro día decidí hacer algo nuevo sobre lo cual escribiría en El goliardo. La primera cosa que vino a mente fue el torneo de golf que tuvo lugar la semana pasada en el campo de Tucson National (Omni Internacional). Al llegar, vi a mucha gente sentada alrededor de los verdes, tomando sol y bebiendo cerveza mientras que los jugadores tiraban las pelotas. Yo me aburrí rápidamente y por eso decidí caminar alrededor del campo. Seguí a un grupo de profesionales que eran muy delgados y que probablemente eran solteros, pero estaba bien claro que uno de ellos no estaba contento con la manera en que estaba jugando. En el 14to verde, éste había perdido su pelota en el agua. Rompió su palo sobre la rodilla, quitó su ropa y entró en el agua también para recobrar su pelota. Después, el tiró la pelota hacia el verde, diciendo muchas palabrotas. Yo simpatizaba, y le ofrecí una de mis “Coronas”, pero éste ni respondió ni me miró. Sólo se puso sus zapatos de nuevo, abrió un bolsillo lateral, extrayendo las llaves de su carro, y tiró su bolsa con todos sus palos al lago. Para mí el golf es una tontería jugada por pendejos y gordos que se visten sin idea de moda. Nunca volveré a mirarlo y les aseguro a todas las muchachas “calientes” que el PGA Tour no es el mejor lugar para encontrar a un hombre guapo y rico. El único, Tiger, no viene a Tucson para jugar y él tiene una rubia. Además si no la quisiera, podría reemplazarla rápidamente con una de las miles que le está esperando en una cola fuera de su casa en Florida.


Quién es La Ella Caliente

Golf shots we'd like to have seen

The New Movie Man

Old School

Ask the bloomin' Aussie

Concernin' wiv Library Wenches and Shielas back on the Market

Bookwoman's Diary

Who is the Bookwoman?


Go to her Diary

Millennial Snippets

* Annie Revels in Tom's Discomfort
* Bruce Tinkers With the Spotlight
* Nongratuitous the Naked Bulb
* A Date Set
* Supposing the Chosen
* Home Cooking: A Caterer Exposed
* Another New Will Threatened
* A Moratorium on Damnation
* Philip Opens the Tube
* Dark the Sentiments of the Unbeknownst
* Freely Frolics the Archbishop
* A Director Miscast

Take me in Boys!  I might just be ready for the whole

Future Features

Geraldo's idea of fair and balanced doesn't jibe with populace 
Man loses nose clippers to airline security for the fifth time
Boy keeps showing up at school with those little golf pencils
Family moves to get child into better little league
Chinese swimmers all get into one lane
Dog drinks from toilet
Police decide that she probably had it coming
Carp painted pretty colors and taken to auction
Enormous codpiece found in miner's cabin
Jackasses go on strike


Last Update: 09/06/2010
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