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Volume 2 Issue 6

June 2003

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Putting Pigs in Clover Series
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Safeway Food Stores

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To No Avail Slaps the Tale -  A Jordan Dane Mystery

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Epistle Eight

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Original Writings

11th grade lecture
history of economics 
circa 2080

One day in that year I stopped in at a McDonald’s on Wall Street in the rain. A small army of lawyers was skulking by the door trying to look disinterested, but I knew otherwise. Ever since the litigation riots there had been out-of-work lawyers crowding every corporate lobby and fast food chain hoping that a physical plant lawsuit would drop into their laps. They targeted anybody with over a billion in yearly revenues, figuring that sooner or later the wealth would trickle down to them. These same lawyers used to play the lottery, back when people believed in odds.

What the Hey, maybe I'll take a gander at the the rest of this story I've got nothing better to do

Staff News

Snapper investigates further Identity mysteries at Goliard
Gonzalo Movie Man

Strange occurrences connect Peruvian situation to the Goliard staff.
Marcos Atwater

Full Story


Young Goliards in training 

 

Wounded Dogs we've Known

 

Social a la Swede

Hidy hi Hee! Ve-a ere-a noo here-a und vuoold leeke-a tu intrudooce-a oooorselfes tu yuoor reeders. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Ve-a ere-a vhet is knoon vhere-a ve-a cume-a frum es "Ballerd preencesses". Um gesh dee bork, bork! Here-a ere-a a cuoople-a ooff jukes tu demunstrete-a thet ve-a dun't teke-a oooorselfes tuu sereeuoosly und hefe-a a gud sense-a ooff hoomur ifee thuoogh ve-a ere-a cunseedered beooteeffool und heeel frum vey up in zee Nurt. "A ber coostumer esked zee bertender iff he-a vunted tu heer a Svede-a juke-a. Zee bertender pueented tu a lerge-a mun et zee ind ooff zee ber und seeed, "He's Svedeesh.'' Zeen zee bertender pueented tu a boorly puleecemun neer zee duur und repeeted, He's Svedeesh es vell.'' Zee bertender feenished, "Noo yuoo meeght theenk ebuoot vhezeer yuoo vunt tu tell thet juke-a, becoose-a I'm Svedeesh, tuu.'' Zee coostumer repleeed, "I gooess I prubebly shuooldn't tell thet juke-a effter ell. I'd hefe-a tu ixpleeen it three-a teemes. Um gesh dee bork, bork!'' Here's a leettle-a ooff oooor persunel heestury thet meeght help yuoo get tu knoo us. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Ve-a hefe-a beee leefing in Seettle-a vhere-a zee Scundeenefiun Deestrict is celled Bellerd. Bork bork bork! Ifery yeer fur zee 17t ooff Mey perede-a (Nurvegeeun Cunsteetooshun Dey) ell Scundeenefiuns leene-a up oon iech seede-a ooff Merket Street fur zee perede-a. Es a yeerly reetooel, zee Svedes leene-a up oon zee Iest seede-a, zee Nurvegeeuns oon zee Vest. Um de hur de hur de hur. Zeen, zee Svedes throo furecreckers et zee Nurvegeeuns. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Zeen, zee Nurvegeeuns leeght zee furecreckers und throo zeem beck. Effter trefeleeng thruoogh Svedee lest soommer, ve-a nuteeced thet zeey hed sumetheeng vreettee oon zee buttum ooff zee sufft dreenk buttles, "Ćpnes pć undra seedun" ve-a leter fuoond oooot thet thees meuns (Oopens oon zee oozeer ind). Elsu vheele-a trefeleeng ve-a heerd thet zee Stuckhulm puleece-a gut a vunted persun repurt frum Interpul. Veet zee fex zeere-a ves a peectoore-a ooff zee creeminel, frum reeght, lefft und streeeght oon. Bork bork bork! Fuoor deys leter zee Svedeesh puleece-a sent zee fullooeeng fex tu Interpul: "Ve'fe-a fuoond zee gooys oon zee lefft und zee reeght, und oone-a ooff oooor ooffffeecers is ebuoot tu errest zee gooy in zee meeddle-a. Vheele-a ve-a vere-a trefeleeng eruoond ve-a gut a reede-a veet a troock dreefer vhu treeed tu impress us by tekeeng a shurt coot und gut stoock in a toonnel. Ifentooelly a Nurvegeeun ceme-a by zee toonnel und fuoond oooot thet zee troock ves vedged in veet zee lued stoock egeeenst zee ceeeling. Zee Nurvegeeun sooggested thet ve-a get oooot und let zee eur oooot ooff zee tures. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Zee pruood Svede-a luuked ungreely et heem, "Yuoo murun! Zee troock is stoock up oon tup." he-a seeed. Bork bork bork! Ve-a ifentooelly eccepted a reede-a veet zee Nurvegeeun. Vell thet is joost a breeeff intrudoocshun su yuoo cun get a feel fur oooor persuneleeties. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Ve-a ere-a fery mooch luukeeng furverd tu beeeng currespundents here-a et zee Guleeerd und telleeng stureees ebuoot oooor trefels und ixpereeences. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Pleese-a vreete-a tu us iff yuoo hefe-a uny qooesshuns ebuoot vhet it is leeke-a tu be-a yuoong, ettrecteefe-a und Svedeesh und ve-a veell try tu geefe-a edfeece-a oon hoo tu injuy a vurld thet ve-a see-a es veede-a und fooll ooff frooeet. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Translated

 

Staff Meetings we've known

Revolving Movieman

Reviews
The Dancer Upstairs

Bend it like Beckham

 
Ask the New Aussie until we locate the old one

Concernin' wiv foreskins

Bookwoman's Diary

Who is the Bookwoman?

 

Go to her Diary

Millennial Snippets

* Seabird or Rapscallion: A Plover's Tail 
* Tails and the New Ordinance
* The Plumber's Ass-Crack: Open Defiance 
* An Embarrassment On the World Stage 
* A Mystic Accepts His Position 
* A Plumber Dethroned 
* I Coulda Been a Fender: The Spokes Monkey Trial 
* A Wagon Train at Rest 
* Hamsters Bored 
* Training Wheels Unnecessary and Unavailable 
* The Lassitudes 
* The Vicissitudes or The Verissimilitudes 
* Suck Not Thy Neighbor's Straw


Take me in Boys!  I might just be ready for the whole
Manifesto

Future Features

Geraldo parodies self 
Many bottoms go unwiped, unpowdered
Expatriate sent home
Scene regarded through haze, dirty windshield, foggy glasses, and an astigmatism
Racer asked to just slow down and walk
Golf courses now the last sanctuary for wildlife
Possum able to dodge and weave through traffic
Couple on vacation long for routine of home
Skunk and country bumpkin have face off, eventually reach symbiotic understanding and agree to disagree
Squeakiest wheel finally just taken off and discarded

 

Last Update: 09/06/2010
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