The Goliard Online - Reviews, opinion, original writing, analysis and pith

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Volume 3 Issue 1

January 2004

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I'm Writing a %#$@#*! Letter

Letters Archive

Gaming

Rillito Park - Tucson -reprinted from 2003 with new art

Golf
Golf Club

Works in Progress
The Night Guy

To No Avail Slaps the Tale -  A Jordan Dane Mystery

Adventures of Tar-man

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Culinary Reviews

Tubac
Wildflower
Nimbus Brewing Company 

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Millennial Subversions
Millennium Melange
- 3rd Millennium Manifesto
- Shelving the Millennium 
- 101 Uses for an Expired Millennium
Books
Reviews & Book Lists

Small Town - by Lawrence Block
Modern Day Goliards worth Investigating
Mark Sundeen
Todd Snider
Richard Linklater
Words you should know
Goliardic Dictionary

- A Word a Day
Scholarly Goliard

- Kenneth Patchen

- Real Italian Current Day Goliards

-
Link to site of Goliard Scholarship winner

Tornado Alley
serious serialized fiction
by Joe Souza

Day One - The vast oasis of the flatlands stands before me as I snap picture after picture. The rest of the crew awaits in the conversion van. Purplish-looking clouds race overhead. A strong wind blows down from the north and carries up debris. Two dust devils ten feet away play a game of cat and mouse with each other. They are the first authentic funnel clouds I have seen in Tornado Alley. The atmospheric pressure is dropping fast. It is eerily quiet except for a howling wind blowing across the low-level plains. The emptiness of the landscape appears to me like a canvas awaiting the painter's brush. I look to my right. Then to my left. The road meets the horizon at nearly a ninety-degree angle, a zippered partition into the earth's crust.

Read more of Tornado Alley

Staff Reviews

The Melting Pot

"There are many decisions to make at The Melting Pot and Linda, our server, seemed to relish explaining all of them. Each table is equipped with a burner in its surface and the food is served raw so that patrons might dip it, boil it, and fondue it to their own liking. The choices arise in what to dip in what and how much to spend for the privilege. Typical meals, according to Linda, are traditionally four courses with a cheese, a salad, an entree, and a dessert. Since they offer a deal called "The Big Night Out", which removes much of the guess work by providing house favorites at each course, it seemed like the obvious choice for beginners and was what we selected."

Read the full review 


The Compromising of America - Back to Basic III

coming soon

Badminton - A Novel

A senior staffer on each coast will volley a novel shuttlecock style until completion. Follow along and watch art come to life before you. For those scoring at home Blue is West and Red is East. 

Badminton

There was a miscarriage of justice. Onlookers were stunned by the amount of blood. The doctor on call nearly fainted her ownself. 

Truth be told, justice was none too happy about it either, although the birth canal was wider than he'd been led to believe. Next time, he thought to himself on the way out, next time I'm gonna come to term come hell or high water. His last thought was the hope his mother was OK, and then it was back into the great abyss of undifferentiated nothingness until the wheel caught him up again. "Hey, Justice, back so soon?" laughed the void, slapping his...well, actually it was the sound of one hand slapping. 

Almost prescient were the screams of the orderlies as Buchanan passed them in the hall. He was going to deliver himself a baby whether conceived or not. Above him, the fluorescent lights flickered and dimmed as he passed. So much spilt seed he thought. Wasted progeny tossed on the trash heap with the cellulite and gall bladders earlier removed.

Meanwhile, across town, a tattooed, shirtless, 50-something Anglo-Saxon man with bifocals and a reflective air leaned comfortably against the El Camino in his driveway. He lit up an American Spirit and thought about Jenny, vaguely wishing he had stopped five or six shots earlier the night before. It was so hard to control his mouth in the middle of a Jack Daniels binge. His native arrogance really grabbed him by the throat and refused to let go. Hell, Jenny might even have come home with him if he had been enough in his right mind to convince her to take a vacation from the hospital the next day. Looking down, he noticed that someone had shaved the words "EAT ME" into his chest hair. He did not remember that happening.

A gold-flecked cherry red low-rider pickup with chrome wheels careened around the corner and accelerated down the block. Kids were hanging out of every compartment, laughing and pushing each other and waving their guns. They disappeared around the next corner with a scream of rubber, leaving a haze of burning tires and exhaust in their wake. Big Dog the Radical loved his neighborhood.

Read the rest of the piece

Desk Jobs we've known

The Flash in the Pan Hollow Man of a Movie Man


The Cooler

The Big Bounce

The Last Samurai

Other Hollow Man Reviews

Bookwoman's Diary

Who is the Bookwoman?

Go to the Diary

Millennial Snippets

* The Placating of the Already Perfectly Content 
* Unnecessary Juxtapositions 
* Ride, Olwell, Ride! 
* The Great Unbattening 
* Averted More Than Appropriate or Demanded 
* From Everything, Nothing 
* The Weary Rewhipped 
* Under No Circumstances 
* The Adolescence of Irony 
* Too Dirty the Drawers: Exhibit A 
* The Irony of Adolescence

Take me in Boys!  I might just be ready for the whole
Manifesto

Future Features

Geraldo sees vision in roadhouse toilet 
Belch doesn't taste like anything
Christ! The flies
Stiff windbag finally shown the door
Swedish girl depressed over lost opportunity now that it's too late
Waiter seems to be putting ass in many a diner's face
Cancer in clubhouse removes her big fat self.
Man finds own gallbladder for sale on black market
Duo's bar napkin not big enough for all their ideas
Marmite part of truth or dare showdown

 

marsha aldrich

Last Update: 05/23/2007
Copyright 2004. All Rights Reserved.