the Goliard     a repository
Volume 1 Issue 1

February 2002

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A Correspondence
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To No Avail Slaps the Tail, A Mystery
-Chapter Four
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Original Writings

The Night Guy - A Series
Part 1 - A Janitor Stops By

"Jerry! Jesus aitch it's you. Dammit you scared me. Don't pop up in front of me like that!"

"Yeah it's just me. Little jumpy today are we Nate? The graveyard shift getting to ya already? Startin' to see shadows that ain't your own?"

"Yeah... shadows ...whew. Well now that you woke me up, give me a good word or something this mornin'?"

"Got no good word really. Eat, sleep, you know. Your countertop is lookin' mighty fine here though. Shiny. You usin' my citrus scrub on her or is it just the lighting or sumthin? Well now it don't look all that great when you stand over ta this side. Eyes must be goin' south on me?"

"Well yeah looks same as usual to me. I mean I didn't scrub anything myself but someone else could of I guess."

"Well I just hope that someone knew what the dots on the bottle meant and wore them green gloves special made for usin the citrus. You see Nate, a  man's got a right to know what chemicals he's usin'. It's something I started 'round here called 'Right to Know' and it means if I ask someone to, say, go in and clean off a mark on yonder floor and I hand 'em a spray bottle to do it with, then they got the right to ask 'what's in this stuff I'm usin'?' and we can go straight off to that book I showed you the other mornin' and its right in front of us what that person's gettin' his hands into. 'Right to Know' it's called as I said."

What the hey, maybe I'll take a look at the rest of this story.
 I've got nothing better to do...


Hot and Spicy Soup

4 quarts chicken broth
1 pint water Boil until pork is tender.
1 pkg. pork stew meat, sliced into match stick pieces

Add to broth and boil 5 minutes:
1 pkg. frozen peas and carrots
pkg. bean tofu
White pepper & salt to taste

Add just enough liquid cornstarch to thicken broth.

Stir and then add:
1 small can bamboo shoots (cut small)
2-3 Tbs. hot chili oil  (equal to 1 to-go cup size)
bunch chopped green onions

Stir well and add a few drops red food coloring.
Add 2-3 Tbs. Rice wine vinegar
Stir in 2 eggs, slightly beaten.
Stir on low 2-5 minutes. Serve.





heaping plates of greasy meat
and three packs a day
married for convenience
for all the bills to pay

two six packs every day
and ten cups of joe
still the goddamned bills to pay
couldn't touch a toe

pour another cup of joe
the wife's put on a few
couldn't bend and touch a toe
never really wanted to

the wife's put on a few
better get a pill
never  really wanted to
but I guess I probably will


Olympic Moment

Teen escapes the clutches of psychotic, cloying, shrieking, succubus-by-day figure long enough to win gold.

Dogs we've known

Two black puppies in the snow

The Movie Man's Movie  Reviews

Who is the Movie Man?

Mulholland Drive
Hart's War
John Q
Monster's Ball
Not Another Teen Movie
Big Fat Liar
Waking Life

Our Boy in the Field

"What the balls is this town coming too? I walked down 4th Avenue and didn't see one goddamned person that was even a little bit more interesting than myself."

Who is Our Boy?

Future Features

"Thing that goes bump in the night" turns 50
Big woman loses "little friend"
Medical resident finds he bitterly resents his brother's easy going lifestyle
Ass tired of being used as example
Tortoise takes chunk out of hare's arse before race, gets DQed
Soggy Bottom Boys refuse to endorse new toilet paper
Farm boy - Hardly big and brawny, a far cry from hearty and hale
Guy doesn't mean anything by it, he's was just saying

Millennial Snippets

* The Renunciation Announced
A Coronation Challenged
Morals Mismanaged
A Mentor Ridiculed
A Marginalized Sovereign
The Character of Aggression
A Gift Horse Gelded
The Bedeviling of the Free
The Expatriation of the Loyal
Another Old Friend Cast Out
Dark the Passions of the Weak
A Lassitude of the Overly Loved

Take me in boys! I think I might finally be ready for the whole working Manifesto...


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